Her Daughter

As I walk into work, a normal day, get handover done and out of the way.

I hear you rise from a peaceful nights sleep, a smile appears that shines so bright. We laugh, and gurgle, making noises you like then head to the bathroom to wipe dust from last night. 

The phone starts to ring as your breakfast is due, I let it go to answer, and I'm here helping you.

I listen whilst helping, my smile goes still. You look at me trusting, all hope and goodwill. 

We go to your bedroom, you pick clothes for the day and whilst helping you dress

to me you just say

"Mumma"?

My heart drops, but I keep smiling. I know the question you've asked. It's the day of the week mummy visits at last. 

But Mum won't be coming. Last week was the last. This morning Mum's left her, this morning Mum's passed. 

We knew it was coming, she's been fighting for months, but her Mum trusted us and gave us words to say that should help her daughter understand that she has gone away. 

We sit down and carefully I take her hand and holding back tears I explain using Mum's plan. 

"Mummy's on an adventure, she's left us today to go and see Nana which is quite faraway". 

"Mumma"? Again, the question is clear she's not understanding her Mum is not here. 

She goes to the window, she waits for the car. Again, I explain "Your Mum's gone too far, but she loves you lots and in Heaven she'll wait and one day she'll meet you going through the great gate". 

I guide her to the garden, her eyes asking why. Again we sit down, I point up to the sky. Holding back tears, I try not to cry. 

"Your Mummy's in heaven, up there looking down. Although you can't see her she is always around, she loves you so much and she is so proud". 

How much she knew she could not have said. She showed little of the thoughts going on in her head. 

The day continued as days have to do, with medication and lunchtime and dinner time too. 

The evening came around, and as bedtime was due she went back to the garden her sad smile askew. 

She looked up at the stars, and briefly she said "Mumma" before swiftly heading to bed. 

The day wasn't joyful, it was broken and heard. She understood heaven, she stared at the stars. She said her goodbye, in a way that she could. And I hope that I helped in a way that she understood. 

Did I 'Go Further' to support you, on that particular day. I really don't know, and I just couldn't say. But it's the things that we rise to, in our care workers way. 

Her Mumma

You trusted in us for your daughters care.
You knew you were leaving and could no longer be there.
You asked us with tears to do all we could do.
We promised with faith that we understood. 
I knew you as well, you were a friend, I knew you for years, I cried at your end.
But I'm proud that you're watching, and you can see what we do.
And your daughter is cared for, and she will always love you. 

By Tanya Reed